Navigating friends and family dynamics during the holidays can be challenging, especially when political or personal differences come into play. Experts from the Emory University Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences offer practical strategies to help families maintain peace and enjoy the season together. 

“Setting boundaries and focusing on shared connections can go a long way toward diffusing tension,” says Nadine J. Kaslow, PhD, vice chair and professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Emory University School of Medicine and chief psychologist at Grady Health System. “The holidays are an opportunity to foster connection, and with a little preparation and mindfulness, it’s possible to create a positive experience for everyone.”

Kaslow and colleagues recommend several approaches to reduce holiday stress, such as communicating boundaries, redirecting conversations to shared interests, practicing mindfulness and prioritizing self-care. “At the heart of it, the goal is to celebrate and enjoy being with loved ones,” she says. “Staying flexible and letting go of minor conflicts can make a world of difference.”

With these expert tips, families can embrace the holiday spirit and keep conflicts to a minimum:

1. Focus on the big picture.

   Remember the goal of the holiday is to celebrate and connect with loved ones, not to resolve disagreements or prove a point. Letting go of minor conflicts and keeping the focus on shared moments can help everyone feel more at ease.

2. Manage expectations.

   Family gatherings often come with high expectations, which can lead to disappointment. Try to let go of preconceived notions about how celebrations “should” go and focus on enjoying the moment as it unfolds. Flexibility can make a big difference in your experience. 

3. Shift the focus to shared interests.

   When discussions veer into potentially contentious areas, redirect attention to enjoyable, neutral topics. Talk about family traditions, hobbies, recent vacations or favorite memories. Focusing on shared experiences can defuse tension and create a more positive atmosphere.

4. Set clear boundaries.

   Before the gathering, think about the topics you are comfortable discussing and those you would rather avoid. Politely but firmly communicate your boundaries if needed. For example, phrases like “Let’s agree to disagree” or “I’d rather not get into that right now — let’s focus on enjoying our time together” can redirect conversations constructively.

5. Take breaks to recharge.

   If emotions start to rise, excuse yourself for a brief pause. A quick walk, some fresh air or a few moments of quiet can help you regain perspective and stay calm, making it easier to manage challenging interactions.

6. Practice mindfulness and deep breathing.

   Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or grounding exercises, can help you stay present and avoid being swept up in stress or anger. Taking a moment to focus on your breathing can help you respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.

7. Limit alcohol intake.

   Alcohol can sometimes amplify emotions and lower inhibitions, making it easier for conflicts to arise. Moderating your intake can help you maintain a clear head and respond more thoughtfully in challenging situations.

8. Have an exit strategy.

   Sometimes, stepping away from a heated conversation is the best option. Use polite excuses like “I need to check on something in the kitchen” or “I’ll be back in a moment” to create space and avoid further escalation.

By applying these strategies, families can create a more peaceful and enjoyable holiday atmosphere, making space for meaningful moments and cherished memories throughout the season.